Are Relationships Like The Movies?

Don’t we enjoy a good, old-fashioned romantic comedy? Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love and
then maybe run into some trouble. They figure it out, then the boy proposes to girl (always in
quite the grandest of styles!). Next? They get married, and then, of course, they live happily
ever after.

Or do they?

You know it’s not always the rosy picture painted in a romantic comedy if you’ve been in a
relationship. It isn’t all flowers, candy, and hand-holding while strolling the beach with a
gorgeous sunset as the backdrop.

Love Is A Verb

While these are all beautiful things, love over time is so much more. Love is a verb. It’s an active
experience, and it’s a choice.

It’s not enough to assume your spouse knows you love them. Putting the ring on is certainly not
the end! It’s not even enough to just say the words. Actions and commitment speak. Loudly.
Once the honeymoon phase wears off, daily intentional acts are vital to the relationship.

Showing love through the act of washing dishes

What are some tangible ways to remind your spouse of your love? For example, remembering
the way he enjoys his cup of coffee, sitting through (part of anyway!) the football game and
cheering on his favorite team, helping her with the dishes, even though it’s not the most
enjoyable task, taking care of the kids so she can take a bubble bath – these are all little things
that go so far in showing your spouse how very much you love them each day.


Love With Purpose

If your spouse appreciates physical touch, giving hugs and holding their hand will fill their
tank. Do they need to hear affirming words? Let them know how much you appreciate
everything they do to take care of you and the home. Maybe your spouse needs some quality
time with you in this oh-so-busy world. Make the time – purposefully.

When we show love to our spouse through words and ongoing actions, it sets a rock-solid
foundation for the relationship.

So today, will you do more than just ‘feel the feelings’ toward your spouse – will you take the
actions that demonstrate real love to your spouse?

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

I believe most of us have that ‘one’ friend, family member, or acquaintance; you know the one. You beeline for a completely different aisle when you see her in the grocery store! No time for this today!

Why? The negativity, self-pity, and same-ole-story routine can be just plain exhausting.

She’s choosing bitterness.

Bitterness is a choice. We can remain stuck in unforgiveness, anger, and resentment – or we can choose the better option of forgiveness, joy, and contentment (yes, it is possible!). 

How we choose to respond to unexpected and unwanted situations in our life will determine if we remain caught in bitterness or if we move forward to healthier emotional outcomes.

Let’s face it. Life is going to throw us some curveballs. Job loss, broken relationships, illnesses, and the death of loved ones – just to name a few. Yet, through all of it, we get to choose. Will the roots of bitterness take hold? Or can we make the (hard!) decision to choose hope, peace, and even freedom? 

To break free is not the easy choice – this, I know! 

As we are walking with my son, Matthew, through health issues, I get to choose. Do I stay in faith and remain positive and hopeful, even when the unknown is so hard, or will I let the fear and anxiety creep in and take hold? 

When Tim revealed his affair and my world came tumbling down, I had to choose. Would I walk the road of unforgiveness or take intentional steps toward forgiveness and healing – even when it seemed impossible? 

At times, it seems as if these decisions and choices must be made daily. I know this well. But, making the better choice to draw near to God, to set your mind on healing and joy over anger, negativity, and contempt – will allow hope to arise in you! 

Hebrews 4:31-32
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. 

Get the Bitter or Better free resource!!

“Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.” – Zig Ziglar

As children, we are taught concepts over and over until we ‘get’ them. Statistics show repetition enhances our growth & learning ability. However, once we cross the threshold into adulthood, the notion of repetition for more significant learning typically ceases. Aside from attending college or trade schools for more formal education, we’re typically left to gain knowledge of valuable and important things by, well, just doing. 

Relationships can be highly impacted, either positively or negatively, by repetitive actions. 

I don’t know about you, but I certainly didn’t attend a Relationships 101 class in school!

So, where can we begin to bridge the learning and growth gap?

We can start by recalling and then taking the crucial step of implementing the tools and tips that we have learned about. 

Let’s talk about a few of those:

  • Communication – key in every marriage!
  • Enjoy quiet moments together
  • Celebrate one another, and celebrate your love
  • Believe in yourself – and believe in your partner
  • Ask the hard questions 
  • Be willing to do the work
  • Pray
  • Most importantly: Keep Christ at the center

When we are willing to repeat the actions that will positively impact our marriage and our spouse, we will see change. 

Another benefit? God will honor the efforts in your repetition! Sure, there will be days when you’re ‘just not feeling it’. Keep those efforts toward a great marriage going!

We have walked the hard road of betrayal together and seen God hold us together. Through daily, repetitive steps of intentional forgiveness, grace, and choosing love, God was at the center – fighting for our marriage. 

What purposeful steps can you begin taking (and repeating!) today for your marriage?

I recently invested in myself by joining Tony Robbins’ inspirational program, ‘Unleash the Power Within.’ Signing up for these events takes some intentional thought, as they can be time-consuming and, let’s face it, expensive! 

But I sure made the right decision by enrolling. Tony is a powerhouse of energy and motivation! Though it was a 4-day virtual conference, I felt fully immersed and connected and walked away completely refreshed and revitalized from my experience. 

Tips and Takeaways

I’d love to share some of my favorite tips and takeaways from Tony’s program with you: 

  1. Breakthrough – We need to break through what is holding us back: anything that holds us back from healing ourselves, our marriage, building a successful business, career, breaking addictions or bad habits, etc. Find a coach or counselor; seek the Lord. Get your breakthrough. It is possible.
  2. Energy – It’s critical for our emotional and physical health. We need to know and practice what gets us in a peak state. Get up and move regularly. It’s not that hard – just do it! You can even just move in your chair (I even moved around while watching the virtual conference!).
  3. Beautiful State – Start each and every day in a Beautiful State. Find what works for you and do it every day. Being grateful is always a great place to start. Try breathing, mediation, or prayer. It doesn’t matter – just find what works for you.
  4. Heart – Move from mind to heart – and make that your emotional home.
  5. Proximity – It’s power. Who you align with is who you will become. That’s powerful. 
  6. Beliefs and Values – They control every action in life; they drive what we do.
  7. Read – Daily – even if only for 30 minutes. Challenge yourself to feed your mind each day!
  8. And the most important tip: Always believe you are enough. Get rid of the old stories, let go of what others have spoken into you, and release those failures that leave you feeling unworthy or less-than. You are enough!

Stretch and Grow

While Tony’s program was undoubtedly demanding of my time and my concentration, I’ve already seen the return on my investment. It’s been worth each and every penny – and every minute – spent. 

Remember – we have to stretch and grow, my friends – and sometimes we just need to do those things that we really don’t think we have time (or, to be honest, the energy!) to do. That conference you’ve been thinking of attending, that book you want to read, that coffee shop that’s been calling your name? Make the investment into you. That is where we will find our personal growth and the strength to believe in ourselves again.

When life is sailing along smoothly, and everything is going as planned, it’s pretty easy to feel good about ourselves, our surroundings, and our situations. Maybe we even take it for granted (yes, I’ve been there too!).

What happens when the rug gets snatched from under your feet? When your world spins out of control, and it feels like it’s coming down around you? Suddenly, what’s familiar and comfortable just isn’t working anymore. Taking steps forward seems like a chore.  

When those hurricanes enter our lives (and always at the most inopportune times!) and knock us off course, how do we keep focused on our purpose, journey, and even our own identity?

I’ve had firsthand experience with this, my friend. When my husband, Tim, revealed that he had an affair – I was absolutely and completely devastated. My world stopped. Betrayal seemed too kind a word to describe the path I was walking.

However, I made the difficult decision to stay in our marriage. Even with the shadow of unfaithfulness, I remained.

It was then that the questions began. They raced through my mind, trying to overtake my emotions and my faith:

Why did I stay?

What was I to do now?

What purpose could there possibly be from all my pain?

WHO AM I? 

There was yet another choice to be made. I could remain stuck where I was, or I could begin to reframe my new reality. Choose to take steps forward into healing or stay in the heartache and pain. I chose to reframe. 

To believe in ME again. 

I can’t say it’s an easy road after the hurt. Instead, it’s a journey of intentional and daily reframing, of finding out who you are – again and again. A bumpy road filled with doubt, fears, and questioning. But one that, when we’re able to process and redefine our future, dreams, and hopes, along with a reframing of our new reality, can bring a rare and unique beauty into our lives. 

Through Jesus, it IS possible to reframe and redefine who we are and how we view our journey! 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  – Romans 12:2(a)

Power of a Word

What’s in a word?

It’s something we don’t necessarily give frequent thought to, let alone pause and intentionally CHOOSE. 

At the beginning of each new year, we tend to be resolution-makers and goal-setters. For many years, that was me too: picking a goal and hoping to have enough steam to keep it going all year long!

For me, choosing Word of the Year (WOTY!) just makes sense. It’s a much simpler and more effective way of maintaining an area of focus for myself. It’s an easy, daily reminder of what’s important to me. I don’t have to feel guilty if I fall off the resolution bus; I have my word for the year!

Tim and I like to review our previous year’s successes (and the not-so-successful things, too!), and my WOTY will often emerge through these discussions. It’s a natural extension of where my heart is and where I should be focused for the upcoming year.

An Intentional Pause

I’ve found that discovering your word is a purposeful process, an intentional pause. It helps tremendously to take time to step away from your daily busyness, reflect on where you’ve been and where you want to go. Then listen. Be deliberate about your listening and reflecting. Finally, take the time to pray and ask God for direction in choosing your word.

Once you’ve settled on a word, write it down and reflect again. Is this a word you can see yourself committed to for an entire year? Unlike a New Year’s Resolution, which tends to fizzle out quickly, a Word of the Year is meant to bring intentionality all year long – and sometimes it rolls right on through to the next! 

Found your word? Now write it down and post it where it can be seen – multiple places! Give yourself visual reminders of your word – or maybe words – and repeat often. 

Track Your Words

If this is your first time choosing a WOTY, I encourage you to find a place to track your words for each year. I have a running list of my words over the years, and it’s a blessing to see how God has brought me through and then to the next thing; all weaved into my words of the year!

For 2022, my Word of the Year is Serenity.

I landed on serenity after moving through a couple of other words that just didn’t quite fit. Serenity fits. I need serenity and peace around my daily choices and decisions. If I choose to spend time with my kids and grandkids and away from my business – or choose to work with clients and miss my granddaughter’s competition, I need serenity. So this is my focus for the year.

How about you? 

Are you ready to make a change to a WOTY for 2022? 

We’d love to hear what word you chose and why!