Unleashing the Power Within

I recently invested in myself by joining Tony Robbins’ inspirational program, ‘Unleash the Power Within.’ Signing up for these events takes some intentional thought, as they can be time-consuming and, let’s face it, expensive! 

But I sure made the right decision by enrolling. Tony is a powerhouse of energy and motivation! Though it was a 4-day virtual conference, I felt fully immersed and connected and walked away completely refreshed and revitalized from my experience. 

Tips and Takeaways

I’d love to share some of my favorite tips and takeaways from Tony’s program with you: 

  1. Breakthrough – We need to break through what is holding us back: anything that holds us back from healing ourselves, our marriage, building a successful business, career, breaking addictions or bad habits, etc. Find a coach or counselor; seek the Lord. Get your breakthrough. It is possible.
  2. Energy – It’s critical for our emotional and physical health. We need to know and practice what gets us in a peak state. Get up and move regularly. It’s not that hard – just do it! You can even just move in your chair (I even moved around while watching the virtual conference!).
  3. Beautiful State – Start each and every day in a Beautiful State. Find what works for you and do it every day. Being grateful is always a great place to start. Try breathing, mediation, or prayer. It doesn’t matter – just find what works for you.
  4. Heart – Move from mind to heart – and make that your emotional home.
  5. Proximity – It’s power. Who you align with is who you will become. That’s powerful. 
  6. Beliefs and Values – They control every action in life; they drive what we do.
  7. Read – Daily – even if only for 30 minutes. Challenge yourself to feed your mind each day!
  8. And the most important tip: Always believe you are enough. Get rid of the old stories, let go of what others have spoken into you, and release those failures that leave you feeling unworthy or less-than. You are enough!

Stretch and Grow

While Tony’s program was undoubtedly demanding of my time and my concentration, I’ve already seen the return on my investment. It’s been worth each and every penny – and every minute – spent. 

Remember – we have to stretch and grow, my friends – and sometimes we just need to do those things that we really don’t think we have time (or, to be honest, the energy!) to do. That conference you’ve been thinking of attending, that book you want to read, that coffee shop that’s been calling your name? Make the investment into you. That is where we will find our personal growth and the strength to believe in ourselves again.

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Believing In Me

When life is sailing along smoothly, and everything is going as planned, it’s pretty easy to feel good about ourselves, our surroundings, and our situations. Maybe we even take it for granted (yes, I’ve been there too!).

What happens when the rug gets snatched from under your feet? When your world spins out of control, and it feels like it’s coming down around you? Suddenly, what’s familiar and comfortable just isn’t working anymore. Taking steps forward seems like a chore.  

When those hurricanes enter our lives (and always at the most inopportune times!) and knock us off course, how do we keep focused on our purpose, journey, and even our own identity?

I’ve had firsthand experience with this, my friend. When my husband, Tim, revealed that he had an affair – I was absolutely and completely devastated. My world stopped. Betrayal seemed too kind a word to describe the path I was walking.

However, I made the difficult decision to stay in our marriage. Even with the shadow of unfaithfulness, I remained.

It was then that the questions began. They raced through my mind, trying to overtake my emotions and my faith:

Why did I stay?

What was I to do now?

What purpose could there possibly be from all my pain?

WHO AM I? 

There was yet another choice to be made. I could remain stuck where I was, or I could begin to reframe my new reality. Choose to take steps forward into healing or stay in the heartache and pain. I chose to reframe. 

To believe in ME again. 

I can’t say it’s an easy road after the hurt. Instead, it’s a journey of intentional and daily reframing, of finding out who you are – again and again. A bumpy road filled with doubt, fears, and questioning. But one that, when we’re able to process and redefine our future, dreams, and hopes, along with a reframing of our new reality, can bring a rare and unique beauty into our lives. 

Through Jesus, it IS possible to reframe and redefine who we are and how we view our journey! 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  – Romans 12:2(a)

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Are You FINE?

It’s fine … I’m fine … Everything’s fine…

We see and hear that everywhere these days. T-shirts, memes, Facebook posts. Even well-meaning friends and family members may gloss right over our true feelings, leaving us to feel the need to say we’re ‘fine.’ 

But what if we’re really.. not fine? 

FINE or Fine?

Maybe it’s actually a case of FINE?

F – Feelings

I –  I’m

N- Not

E- Expressing

Feelings I’m Not Expressing. I’m feeling all the emotions, just not expressing them. Holding them in.

I know I’ve certainly been there on more than one occasion. 

But why would we feel the need to hide our feelings and not express them?

Often times we use ‘FINE’ rather than sharing our true feelings because –

Comparisons Lead to FINE

Sharing just doesn’t feel safe

It may feel as though others don’t really care

It feels like my situation is worse than anyone else’s

I think I’m alone in my situation; nobody else has gone through what I’m going through

It seems as though everyone else has a perfect life – while I’m still struggling

When we hold back and don’t share what’s truly in our hearts and on our minds, it can affect our mental and physical health. The things burdening us will feel larger, grow more significant, and continue to fester in our minds. 

When you find yourself stuck in ‘FINE’ (I’m not talking about the good one!), here are a couple things you can do to help yourself become unstuck:

Safe Places and Sharing

Find a safe place to share: a community such as Broken and Beautiful (a private Facebook group) – where you are accepted, loved, and most of all – protected.

Talk with a safe person: a trusted friend or family member. A counselor, coach, or pastor. 

Just share. Allow that safe person or community to be a shelter for your feelings. 

When I found out that my husband had an affair, I was overcome with emotion; completely distraught and utterly devastated. I had to choose. Stay in FINE, or reach out to those around me whom I trusted, and get support and encouragement in my journey to healing. 

I will choose the path to healing and wholeness through sharing and connecting. 

How about you? What steps can you take today to move around the FINE, allowing yourself to find a safe place and begin to share?

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

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Power of a Word

Power of a Word

What’s in a word?

It’s something we don’t necessarily give frequent thought to, let alone pause and intentionally CHOOSE. 

At the beginning of each new year, we tend to be resolution-makers and goal-setters. For many years, that was me too: picking a goal and hoping to have enough steam to keep it going all year long!

For me, choosing Word of the Year (WOTY!) just makes sense. It’s a much simpler and more effective way of maintaining an area of focus for myself. It’s an easy, daily reminder of what’s important to me. I don’t have to feel guilty if I fall off the resolution bus; I have my word for the year!

Tim and I like to review our previous year’s successes (and the not-so-successful things, too!), and my WOTY will often emerge through these discussions. It’s a natural extension of where my heart is and where I should be focused for the upcoming year.

An Intentional Pause

I’ve found that discovering your word is a purposeful process, an intentional pause. It helps tremendously to take time to step away from your daily busyness, reflect on where you’ve been and where you want to go. Then listen. Be deliberate about your listening and reflecting. Finally, take the time to pray and ask God for direction in choosing your word.

Once you’ve settled on a word, write it down and reflect again. Is this a word you can see yourself committed to for an entire year? Unlike a New Year’s Resolution, which tends to fizzle out quickly, a Word of the Year is meant to bring intentionality all year long – and sometimes it rolls right on through to the next! 

Found your word? Now write it down and post it where it can be seen – multiple places! Give yourself visual reminders of your word – or maybe words – and repeat often. 

Track Your Words

If this is your first time choosing a WOTY, I encourage you to find a place to track your words for each year. I have a running list of my words over the years, and it’s a blessing to see how God has brought me through and then to the next thing; all weaved into my words of the year!

For 2022, my Word of the Year is Serenity.

I landed on serenity after moving through a couple of other words that just didn’t quite fit. Serenity fits. I need serenity and peace around my daily choices and decisions. If I choose to spend time with my kids and grandkids and away from my business – or choose to work with clients and miss my granddaughter’s competition, I need serenity. So this is my focus for the year.

How about you? 

Are you ready to make a change to a WOTY for 2022? 

We’d love to hear what word you chose and why! 

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Recovering From the Holidays

Having trouble recovering from the holidays? Regaining “normal” seems a little bit out of reach? These simple tips will help you regain your equilibrium and be ready for a fantastic 2022!

  1. Focus on being present
  2. Be openly grateful
  3. Schedule some down time with loved ones… or yourself
  4. Pray

These all work together to help you regain your sense of normal and balance. The holidays can be great fun, but there is often a lot of pressure associated with them. By being completely present in each moment, the “hoopla” of the holidays begins to fade and you reconnect with the person or task immediately in front of you. Sometimes that is just about being quiet.

Being openly grateful helps to overcome any disappointments that might have occurred throughout the festive season. It is nearly impossible to feel grateful for what you do have and disappointed by unmet expectations at the same time. Focus in on the gratitude. You (and your loved ones!) will be happier for it.

Down time will help your body and your mind to recuperate. We tend to run ourselves right up to the brink of (and sometimes over it!) exhaustion. So much to do, people to see, and it all comes with a heightened sense of excitement. Down time will allow the adrenaline to regulate in your body.

Last, but most definitely not least, spend some time in prayer. Thank God for the good that you’ve been given and even for the disappointing because it, too, serves a purpose. Ask for His strength to do what comes next for you in 2022. And give thanks for a new year to serve and love well.

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Hiding

Hiding….

Do you ever want to hide? I know I have certainly been guilty of hiding at times in my life. 

Recently, I had some cosmetic injections done – with the hopes of erasing some of the age lines on my face. The doctor doing the injections told me the procedure would erase 8 years of age from my face …. 8 YEARS! 

Of course, I was thrilled at the promise of those 8 years being removed from my face! Yep, I jumped right on the bandwagon of trying to turn back the hands of time. 

The unexpected aftermath of the procedure took me by surprise; there was swelling, there was bruising. So, I hide – for days after. I could look in the mirror and see that the rest of my appearance looked really good! But the bruising.. that kept me in hiding. 

If I’m being honest, I struggle with aging. Each year on my birthday, I’m ‘29 again’! Funny – yes. But in truth, I’m just hiding from the reality of my age. 

Hiding Behaviors and Lessons Learned

Sometimes my hiding is self-inflicted; other times the reasons I’ve hidden were not self-inflicted, but inflicted by someone else’s decision or choice. 

Behaviors when I hide can include:

  • Disappearing
  • Withdrawing
  • Keeping to myself
  • Not going out

Lessons I’ve learned from hiding:

  • My wounds WILL give way to growth if I let them
  • Others hide, too
  • I am loved – even with my wounds; self-inflicted or inflicted by others – I am loved

How do you hide? Do your wounds keep you from letting others see you?

Next time you want to hide, take a deep breath and remember – you are NOT alone, you can heal and grow – and you are loved. 

Give thanks to the God of gods, for his steadfast love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for his steadfast love endures forever;

Psalm 136:2-3

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Scars

Scars

As I was reading a book recently, I noticed the main character seemed a bit odd.  She might be described as type A personality; high-stress, impatient – maybe even a bit aggressive. As I continued to read, the story began to give hints about the scars this young woman carried. Little by little it shows the why behind the scars, and we see ALL she had been carrying around.  

The story really got me thinking about my own wounds – and the scars they have left behind.

First, I had to acknowledge that I do indeed have scars. Seeing the scars on my body is easy; I can tell you where each and every scar came from.  For instance, some are minor – like the one on my knee from the time I fell on gravel as a young child – or the one on my wrist where a dog bit me. Then there are more serious scars, like the scars on my torso from surgeries.  

The Invisible Scars

Scars are created from a wound that has healed but left a visible reminder of the event that caused them. As I thought about visible scars, I began to wonder about all the invisible scars.

I know that I carry invisible scars too. The emotional scar of something that happened in the past. I know that I have many of those too! For me, they range from minor to huge, to even devastating. A minor scar might be a childhood friend calling me a name or deciding they don’t like me. A devastating one for me was when my husband had an affair. Of course, there are many in between. I couldn’t even begin to make a list.  More importantly I’m not sure I want to open all those old wounds. I have moved on from them.  

Internal wounds are caused by some else’s words, actions, or choices. These wounds leave scars just like the physical scars; the difference is they are not seen by the naked eye. They are there – and if not healed properly, they can rear their ugly head. They’ll show their presence by affecting our words, actions, attitudes, and choices. Unhealed emotional wounds are easily ripped open, giving them the opportunity to show up over and over again. 

Healing From Wounds 

So, what do we do when we are wounded emotionally? How do we begin healing? The severity of the offense will dictate the steps necessary for the healing. A minor offense might need to be dealt with when the situation happens, not allowing it to fester – and not allowing the wound to form. A more major offense might mean getting professional help. 

Never be afraid to take the steps that you need to heal the wound. Isn’t it better to be proactive; better to take the steps to heal than to continue on with a chip on your shoulder?  

There are many modalities for healing the invisible scars. They include counseling, coaching, group programs, prayer, and so many more. I encourage you to find the one that works to help you heal your wounds.

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Healing Is a Beast

Anyone else relate to this title, Healing Is A Beast? I certainly can! 

The Beast

 I was reminded of this recently, in a very painful way. It started out as a normal Saturday morning. Tim and I enjoyed our morning coffee together, did some brainstorming about changes we could make with our business, took our dogs out for a walk, even had a nice dinner with our daughter and her family – and then it started.  

Symptoms started like a raging, angry lion; the UTI began with a roar. It took days of taking an antibiotic to heal the infection and to ease the painful symptoms. The onset of the infection was a beast that resulted in a sleepless night with much discomfort. I was anxious to get the antibiotic and the pain relief medicine. I wished it would take away all the painful symptoms immediately.  

Unfortunately, that is not how healing works!

Healing

Healing is a process; it means taking the steps, doing the work, and then giving it time.  

Exactly what we do not want – but what we need – to heal.  And that is why healing is a beast.

Healing from a UTI is a much simpler healing process. When healing from an emotional wound, it’s an entirely different story. Causes of an emotional wound can be all over the spectrum, from hurtful words to being betrayed. It all hurts, causes new wounds, or opens up old wounds. What to do with those wounds? We can choose to ignore them, stuff them way down – or we can deal with them by facing and then working through them. 

Treatment

Unfortunately, when we choose to ignore and stuff our wounds, they don’t just go away. Instead, we carry them with us. Those hurts we leave unprocessed become like a raging infection. Left untreated, they only become worse.  

How to process through? First, acknowledge the hurt – journal about it. If appropriate, talk to the person or make amends. Reach out to a professional. Finally, but most importantly, pray about it and give it to GOD.  

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The Grass Is Greener

 

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, isn’t it?

God has a way of showing me different things. I just need to be open enough to catch it.  

Recently on our way to church, I saw a cow poking its head through the barbed wire fence, stretching to eat the greener grass on the other side of the fence. 

That cow was determined that the grass just over the barbed wire fence was much better than the grass on his side of the fence. He was so convinced that he was willing to take a risk to get to that greener grass. He was willing to even face bodily harm and discomfort to get to the greener grass.

The Other Side of the Fence

The question floated through my mind; isn’t that what we do? We see something just on the other side of the fence and we assume that it is better than what we have. It could be a job, a house, a car, a spouse… well I think you get the picture.  

Looking at my own life, I can see where this scenario has played out. The most impactful time was when my husband had an affair. It was a time that the temptation on the other side of the fence was overwhelmingly desirable to him. We had been married for 30 years when someone new stood on the other side of the fence, offering something new and different. Greener grass.

 It’s amazing how the mind can look at situations with a colored lens – and distort the view. What was once clear becomes hazed and unclear.  I heard my husband saying things like: “I’m not sure we have anything in common anymore. You’re retired and I’m not. I just don’t miss you anymore when I’m gone”.  All this left me wondering how –  just four months before –  he could write, “Thank you for the last 30 years and I so look forward to the next 30 years.” What in the world happened? What changed?

Taking Care of OUR Grass

After becoming informed of the affair, it became clearer to me what had happened. While grazing on the grass on the other side of the fence, my husband had bought into the lie that the grass is greener. The truth of the matter is if we want greener, lusher, more fulfilling grass, we need to take care of our grass. It needs to be watered, fertilized, cut, and trimmed.

What does that mean in a marriage? It means we need to regularly take steps to continue to grow our marriage. Attend marriage seminars, read books, communicate – and learn better communication tools. Pray as a couple, and stay connected to God. We need to make sure our marriage is always healthy. Read the Bible. The Bible is our guide; use it!  

God’s Words

Here are just a few scriptures to help build a strong marriage:

  • “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
  • “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Genesis 1:27-28
  • “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9
  • “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 9:9
  • “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
  • “Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3
  • “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
  • “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”1 Corinthians 10:13
  • “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4

 It’s no different than our bodies.  We eat well, exercise and see a doctor when needed.  We need to think of our marriages the same

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It’s My Birthday!

It’s my birthday! No, I don’t want birthday wishes or anything. So, why am I telling you this? Because I’m struggling with getting older. There I said it, truth is out. I just don’t like adding another year to my age and not being able to do anything about it.

You might be wondering how old I am, or maybe you already know. The truth is, I just can’t say the number. Why? Because I don’t want to! I also have a perspective of what my age looks like. And I just I don’t feel that old.

My perspective on my age and how I feel are miles apart. For years now, I have joked with my granddaughter that it’s my 29th birthday. Every year, she plays along with me, even though she knows it’s not true. Of course, when she was younger, she was a bit confused that each year I was the same age. Going back to not feeling my age, the truth is, I feel young! Sure, maybe it’s not 29, but it’s certainly not… Nope, ain’t gonna say it.

OK, when I look in the mirror, I see that I am not 29. There are true signs of aging that just happen over time. Yep, there are wrinkles and sagging that wasn’t there when I was 29 or even in the last several years.

I don’t feel I am alone in dealing with the difference between what our perspective of an age is and how we are feeling. Haven’t you heard that 60 is the new 40, 70 is the new 50, etc.? So, if I’m the new 40, what does it mean? Well, studies are showing that people are living longer today, they’re healthier, and they’re enjoying life more. Bottom line, older people are feeling younger these days, and I am one of them!

There is even more really good news: today, the average age for someone moving into a nursing home is 81. In the 1950’s, it was 65. Also, it’s not uncommon for someone to retire earlier and then start a totally new career. Men and women in their 60’s, 70’s and 80’s are running marathons. Seniors are not just sitting in an easy chair watching the news; they are out teaching and taking classes, traveling. Seniors are just getting the most out of life.

So, with all this good news, why does a number bother me so much? Being a Life Coach, I know it’s a mindset. Something to get over and move on from. But I don’t’ want to. Yes, I know that aging is natural, and age is a perspective. But I still carry the image of past loved ones who at my age looked and acted so much older. I’m not them! I feel young!

So, what do I do? Well, for today, I will enjoy the celebration that my husband and family planned. I will have some fun and hold my head high as I celebrate my 29th birthday again!

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