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Bitter Or Better

I believe most of us have that ‘one’ friend, family member, or acquaintance; you know the one. You beeline for a completely different aisle when you see her in the grocery store! No time for this today!

Why? The negativity, self-pity, and same-ole-story routine can be just plain exhausting.

She’s choosing bitterness.

Bitterness is a choice. We can remain stuck in unforgiveness, anger, and resentment – or we can choose the better option of forgiveness, joy, and contentment (yes, it is possible!). 

How we choose to respond to unexpected and unwanted situations in our life will determine if we remain caught in bitterness or if we move forward to healthier emotional outcomes.

Let’s face it. Life is going to throw us some curveballs. Job loss, broken relationships, illnesses, and the death of loved ones – just to name a few. Yet, through all of it, we get to choose. Will the roots of bitterness take hold? Or can we make the (hard!) decision to choose hope, peace, and even freedom? 

To break free is not the easy choice – this, I know! 

As we are walking with my son, Matthew, through health issues, I get to choose. Do I stay in faith and remain positive and hopeful, even when the unknown is so hard, or will I let the fear and anxiety creep in and take hold? 

When Tim revealed his affair and my world came tumbling down, I had to choose. Would I walk the road of unforgiveness or take intentional steps toward forgiveness and healing – even when it seemed impossible? 

At times, it seems as if these decisions and choices must be made daily. I know this well. But, making the better choice to draw near to God, to set your mind on healing and joy over anger, negativity, and contempt – will allow hope to arise in you! 

Hebrews 4:31-32
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. 

Get the Bitter or Better free resource!!

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Believing In Me

When life is sailing along smoothly, and everything is going as planned, it’s pretty easy to feel good about ourselves, our surroundings, and our situations. Maybe we even take it for granted (yes, I’ve been there too!).

What happens when the rug gets snatched from under your feet? When your world spins out of control, and it feels like it’s coming down around you? Suddenly, what’s familiar and comfortable just isn’t working anymore. Taking steps forward seems like a chore.  

When those hurricanes enter our lives (and always at the most inopportune times!) and knock us off course, how do we keep focused on our purpose, journey, and even our own identity?

I’ve had firsthand experience with this, my friend. When my husband, Tim, revealed that he had an affair – I was absolutely and completely devastated. My world stopped. Betrayal seemed too kind a word to describe the path I was walking.

However, I made the difficult decision to stay in our marriage. Even with the shadow of unfaithfulness, I remained.

It was then that the questions began. They raced through my mind, trying to overtake my emotions and my faith:

Why did I stay?

What was I to do now?

What purpose could there possibly be from all my pain?

WHO AM I? 

There was yet another choice to be made. I could remain stuck where I was, or I could begin to reframe my new reality. Choose to take steps forward into healing or stay in the heartache and pain. I chose to reframe. 

To believe in ME again. 

I can’t say it’s an easy road after the hurt. Instead, it’s a journey of intentional and daily reframing, of finding out who you are – again and again. A bumpy road filled with doubt, fears, and questioning. But one that, when we’re able to process and redefine our future, dreams, and hopes, along with a reframing of our new reality, can bring a rare and unique beauty into our lives. 

Through Jesus, it IS possible to reframe and redefine who we are and how we view our journey! 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  – Romans 12:2(a)

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5 Ds and 5 Cs

Life can certainly be challenging, can’t it, my dear friend?

Some days leave us feeling beat up, knocked down, and just plain exhausted. 

So how are we to overcome those less-than-desirable days?

Let’s dig a little deeper.

Part 1

How to combat the 5 Ds with the 5 Cs of Christ

  • The strategy of the Devil   – 

John 10:10(a) tells us the thief (devil) comes to steal and kill and destroy. 

That’s powerful – and it’s also frightening. 

So, just how does the devil go about doing these things?

Here are a few of his tools:

  • Doubt – Doubt causes you to question God’s work in your life and question His goodness

Ever feel unworthy or less-than?

Perhaps you tell yourself ‘I can’t’

  • Discouragement – Discouragement keeps your focus on how big your problems are – rather than on how BIG our God IS

Do you find yourself desiring to give up?

Do you feel the work is just too hard sometimes?

  • Diversion – Diversion will make the wrong things seem attractive so that you will desire them even more than the right things

Are you distracted by things? Phone? TV? Sports?

Tempted by things that do not belong in your Core Values?

  • Defeat – Defeat will make you feel like a failure so that you don’t even try

Ever feel that you might as well just give up before you even start? 

Feel like you just can’t?

  • Delay – Delay will cause you to put things off, so they never get done

Procrastination is not of God

Remember: it’s God’s timing, not yours

We know that the devil schemes to kill and destroy. He attacks us with lust, pride,

power, discouragement, doubt, money, escapism, pleasure, hate, anger, jealousy, selfishness – you name it, it’s in his arsenal. And he’s more than happy to pull it out and use it on us at any given moment.

Part 2 – 

How to combat the 5 Ds with the 5 Cs of Christ

  • Combat the devil’s strategy with Christ!  – 

So, what’s a Christ-follower to do? 

The truth is we don’t have to fight the devil alone. 

In Christ, the victory is already ours! 

(1 Corinthians 15:57)

Read on for tips to keep the devil at bay!

Remember:

  • Compassion – God is a compassionate God, and He loves you 

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness

The Heart of Jesus is love and compassion

  • Courage – God gives us courage through His continual encouragement 

Joshua 1:9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go

He gives us the courage to stay in the fight

  • Content – We are content and at peace when we remain in God’s will 

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

We will have Joy

We will find Happiness in Jesus

  • Certainty – God gives us the certainty that we are never defeated. The Bible clearly states that the victory is ours, and He is on your side.

Romans 8:30 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 

God has a good plan for your life

  • Confidence – God gives us complete confidence in His timing

Philippians 4:13 I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me strength

Christ has already won the victory

Remember John 10:10(a) – the devil prowling around, seeking to do all those mean things? Well, that’s not the end of the story. 

John 10:10(b – emphasis mine) finishes by saying, ‘ I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.’ 

I don’t know about you, but I like that ending! That is a beautiful promise to hold fast to when the devil attacks.

So, always remember that C comes before D, just as Christ comes before the devil!

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Are You FINE?

It’s fine … I’m fine … Everything’s fine…

We see and hear that everywhere these days. T-shirts, memes, Facebook posts. Even well-meaning friends and family members may gloss right over our true feelings, leaving us to feel the need to say we’re ‘fine.’ 

But what if we’re really.. not fine? 

FINE or Fine?

Maybe it’s actually a case of FINE?

F – Feelings

I –  I’m

N- Not

E- Expressing

Feelings I’m Not Expressing. I’m feeling all the emotions, just not expressing them. Holding them in.

I know I’ve certainly been there on more than one occasion. 

But why would we feel the need to hide our feelings and not express them?

Often times we use ‘FINE’ rather than sharing our true feelings because –

Comparisons Lead to FINE

Sharing just doesn’t feel safe

It may feel as though others don’t really care

It feels like my situation is worse than anyone else’s

I think I’m alone in my situation; nobody else has gone through what I’m going through

It seems as though everyone else has a perfect life – while I’m still struggling

When we hold back and don’t share what’s truly in our hearts and on our minds, it can affect our mental and physical health. The things burdening us will feel larger, grow more significant, and continue to fester in our minds. 

When you find yourself stuck in ‘FINE’ (I’m not talking about the good one!), here are a couple things you can do to help yourself become unstuck:

Safe Places and Sharing

Find a safe place to share: a community such as Broken and Beautiful (a private Facebook group) – where you are accepted, loved, and most of all – protected.

Talk with a safe person: a trusted friend or family member. A counselor, coach, or pastor. 

Just share. Allow that safe person or community to be a shelter for your feelings. 

When I found out that my husband had an affair, I was overcome with emotion; completely distraught and utterly devastated. I had to choose. Stay in FINE, or reach out to those around me whom I trusted, and get support and encouragement in my journey to healing. 

I will choose the path to healing and wholeness through sharing and connecting. 

How about you? What steps can you take today to move around the FINE, allowing yourself to find a safe place and begin to share?

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

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Hiding

Hiding….

Do you ever want to hide? I know I have certainly been guilty of hiding at times in my life. 

Recently, I had some cosmetic injections done – with the hopes of erasing some of the age lines on my face. The doctor doing the injections told me the procedure would erase 8 years of age from my face …. 8 YEARS! 

Of course, I was thrilled at the promise of those 8 years being removed from my face! Yep, I jumped right on the bandwagon of trying to turn back the hands of time. 

The unexpected aftermath of the procedure took me by surprise; there was swelling, there was bruising. So, I hide – for days after. I could look in the mirror and see that the rest of my appearance looked really good! But the bruising.. that kept me in hiding. 

If I’m being honest, I struggle with aging. Each year on my birthday, I’m ‘29 again’! Funny – yes. But in truth, I’m just hiding from the reality of my age. 

Hiding Behaviors and Lessons Learned

Sometimes my hiding is self-inflicted; other times the reasons I’ve hidden were not self-inflicted, but inflicted by someone else’s decision or choice. 

Behaviors when I hide can include:

  • Disappearing
  • Withdrawing
  • Keeping to myself
  • Not going out

Lessons I’ve learned from hiding:

  • My wounds WILL give way to growth if I let them
  • Others hide, too
  • I am loved – even with my wounds; self-inflicted or inflicted by others – I am loved

How do you hide? Do your wounds keep you from letting others see you?

Next time you want to hide, take a deep breath and remember – you are NOT alone, you can heal and grow – and you are loved. 

Give thanks to the God of gods, for his steadfast love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for his steadfast love endures forever;

Psalm 136:2-3

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Scars

Scars

As I was reading a book recently, I noticed the main character seemed a bit odd.  She might be described as type A personality; high-stress, impatient – maybe even a bit aggressive. As I continued to read, the story began to give hints about the scars this young woman carried. Little by little it shows the why behind the scars, and we see ALL she had been carrying around.  

The story really got me thinking about my own wounds – and the scars they have left behind.

First, I had to acknowledge that I do indeed have scars. Seeing the scars on my body is easy; I can tell you where each and every scar came from.  For instance, some are minor – like the one on my knee from the time I fell on gravel as a young child – or the one on my wrist where a dog bit me. Then there are more serious scars, like the scars on my torso from surgeries.  

The Invisible Scars

Scars are created from a wound that has healed but left a visible reminder of the event that caused them. As I thought about visible scars, I began to wonder about all the invisible scars.

I know that I carry invisible scars too. The emotional scar of something that happened in the past. I know that I have many of those too! For me, they range from minor to huge, to even devastating. A minor scar might be a childhood friend calling me a name or deciding they don’t like me. A devastating one for me was when my husband had an affair. Of course, there are many in between. I couldn’t even begin to make a list.  More importantly I’m not sure I want to open all those old wounds. I have moved on from them.  

Internal wounds are caused by some else’s words, actions, or choices. These wounds leave scars just like the physical scars; the difference is they are not seen by the naked eye. They are there – and if not healed properly, they can rear their ugly head. They’ll show their presence by affecting our words, actions, attitudes, and choices. Unhealed emotional wounds are easily ripped open, giving them the opportunity to show up over and over again. 

Healing From Wounds 

So, what do we do when we are wounded emotionally? How do we begin healing? The severity of the offense will dictate the steps necessary for the healing. A minor offense might need to be dealt with when the situation happens, not allowing it to fester – and not allowing the wound to form. A more major offense might mean getting professional help. 

Never be afraid to take the steps that you need to heal the wound. Isn’t it better to be proactive; better to take the steps to heal than to continue on with a chip on your shoulder?  

There are many modalities for healing the invisible scars. They include counseling, coaching, group programs, prayer, and so many more. I encourage you to find the one that works to help you heal your wounds.

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Healing Is a Beast

Anyone else relate to this title, Healing Is A Beast? I certainly can! 

The Beast

 I was reminded of this recently, in a very painful way. It started out as a normal Saturday morning. Tim and I enjoyed our morning coffee together, did some brainstorming about changes we could make with our business, took our dogs out for a walk, even had a nice dinner with our daughter and her family – and then it started.  

Symptoms started like a raging, angry lion; the UTI began with a roar. It took days of taking an antibiotic to heal the infection and to ease the painful symptoms. The onset of the infection was a beast that resulted in a sleepless night with much discomfort. I was anxious to get the antibiotic and the pain relief medicine. I wished it would take away all the painful symptoms immediately.  

Unfortunately, that is not how healing works!

Healing

Healing is a process; it means taking the steps, doing the work, and then giving it time.  

Exactly what we do not want – but what we need – to heal.  And that is why healing is a beast.

Healing from a UTI is a much simpler healing process. When healing from an emotional wound, it’s an entirely different story. Causes of an emotional wound can be all over the spectrum, from hurtful words to being betrayed. It all hurts, causes new wounds, or opens up old wounds. What to do with those wounds? We can choose to ignore them, stuff them way down – or we can deal with them by facing and then working through them. 

Treatment

Unfortunately, when we choose to ignore and stuff our wounds, they don’t just go away. Instead, we carry them with us. Those hurts we leave unprocessed become like a raging infection. Left untreated, they only become worse.  

How to process through? First, acknowledge the hurt – journal about it. If appropriate, talk to the person or make amends. Reach out to a professional. Finally, but most importantly, pray about it and give it to GOD.  

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