Marriage Archives - Page 2 of 2

Where There Is A Will There Is A Way

Let’s be honest. Marriage isn’t always the walk in the park or the pretty picture we see painted daily on social media. In fact, marriage can sometimes be downright patience-testing and frustrating. Those days when we would instead tuck our tails and run? We all have them.

But, the decisions we make on those days will ultimately direct the path and even the enduring strength of our relationships.

Studies have shown that in relationships, most expectations are unmet. Why is that, you might ask? Because those expectations have never been expressed. It’s imperative in a healthy relationship to be able to verbalize and communicate expectations. And that goes for both spouses. Listen to your spouse and the desires of their heart. Discuss wants and wishes for the relationship – and then come up with an action plan to ensure each partner’s needs are met.

Where there’s a will there is a way.

Now that you have an action plan in place, stick to it; be fiercely determined. Work towards the objective or intention you’ve set together. Let your determination meet your circumstance head-on. Remember that marriage is always a team sport, especially when the going gets rough. And trust us, it will!

As we walked through the aftermath of Tim’s affair, we had our minds set. We were going to get through this painful season – together. No matter what. We had a will, and we had a way.

Did that make it easy? No way. It meant that we had the desired goal in mind and were determined to keep working together (and separately!) to reach the goal of reconciliation. Even on the ‘tuck and run’ days, we were resolved to bring about the changes we sought.

What we found on the other side was if we really wanted something, we could do it. We found a way to accomplish it, regardless of the overwhelming obstacles and odds that seemed to be against us at every turn.

So, a little encouragement for your relationship today: learning to find the will and the way can encourage and motivate us and, in turn, our spouses. And isn’t that the purpose of teamwork, after all?

by Diana Journy

Marriage, Recovery & Healing

Positive Mental Attitudes and Thoughts, Actions, and Emotions

Growing up, most of us heard this from our moms: ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.’

What a concept this is.

Even though a thought forms in your head – it doesn’t have to come out of your mouth! Because we all know – what comes out of our mouths can undoubtedly be hurtful at times, and it may even leave lasting emotional scars.

We like to call this TAE:

Thoughts
Actions
Emotions

Our thoughts lead to our actions. Our actions (whether good or bad) can then lead to our emotions. Have you ever caught yourself at the beginning of a negative thought spiral? One little thought can lead to a misspoken word or a poor action. The negative emotions then follow, affecting the whole of the relationship.

But, we do have a choice (as Mom was always good to point out!)!

…and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds.. Ephesians 4:23

And we like to call this PMA:

Positive
Mental
Attitude

When we choose a Positive Mental Attitude, perhaps our Thoughts, Actions, and Emotions ‘outcome’ will be much better.

For example, when we strive to focus on the positive (thoughts) rather than the negative characteristics of our spouse, we will speak encouraging and affirming words to them (actions). This, in turn, will lead to a more connected relationship (emotions).

When Tim and I have gone through times of struggle, we have had to intentionally choose to maintain our positive mental attitude toward one another. We’ve had to purposefully make choices to tame our thoughts, our actions, and our emotions when they want to run wild. We know it’s not always easy! Have we always gotten it just right? No! But we keep choosing PMA toward each other and in life’s situations.

And – we will never forget Mom’s sage advice to just not say anything at all if it isn’t nice!

Choose each other first through Positive Mental Attitude and then with your Thoughts, Actions, and Emotions. We promise it’s a daily decision you will never look back and regret.

by Diana Journy

Intentionality, Marriage

Let’s Go Deeper

“Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.” – Zig Ziglar

As children, we are taught concepts over and over until we ‘get’ them. Statistics show repetition enhances our growth & learning ability. However, once we cross the threshold into adulthood, the notion of repetition for more significant learning typically ceases. Aside from attending college or trade schools for more formal education, we’re typically left to gain knowledge of valuable and important things by, well, just doing.

Relationships can be highly impacted, either positively or negatively, by repetitive actions.

I don’t know about you, but I certainly didn’t attend a Relationships 101 class in school!

So, where can we begin to bridge the learning and growth gap?

We can start by recalling and then taking the crucial step of implementing the tools and tips that we have learned about.

Let’s talk about a few of those:

Communication – key in every marriage!
Enjoy quiet moments together
Celebrate one another, and celebrate your love
Believe in yourself – and believe in your partner
Ask the hard questions
Be willing to do the work
Pray
Most importantly: Keep Christ at the center

When we are willing to repeat the actions that will positively impact our marriage and our spouse, we will see change.

Another benefit? God will honor the efforts in your repetition! Sure, there will be days when you’re ‘just not feeling it’. Keep those efforts toward a great marriage going!

We have walked the hard road of betrayal together and seen God hold us together. Through daily, repetitive steps of intentional forgiveness, grace, and choosing love, God was at the center – fighting for our marriage.

What purposeful steps can you begin taking (and repeating!) today for your marriage?

by Diana Journy

Marriage

Rough Draft

Being Modeled and Groomed

Ever feel like you can’t get things well…right? Or just don’t know how to do it? Life your life is a rough draft? I sometimes feel like I am continually being modeled and groomed. Like a continual work in progress, always aiming for the target – but not consistently hitting the mark.

I guess you could say I’m a rough draft of who I’m supposed to be, who God is calling me to be. But, truth is, aren’t we all rough drafts as we continually change, grow, and are being modeled? You are not alone!

I think about the times that have squeezed me emotionally and mentally. Yet, I know those were the times that grew me and helped shape me into the wife, mother, and person I am today… And the person who continually evolves and adapts through life’s unknown and unexpected moments and situations.

Rough Draft of Marriage

When I found out my husband was having an affair, it quickly became a ‘”rough draft” period for me. I was devastated. Would our marriage survive? I didn’t think my heart would ever heal from the wounds I carried. But the day came when I had to decide: was I going to be open to allowing God to change me and shape me through the pain as an artist models the clay? Or would I harden my heart and choose my own path?

I chose the path of healing and change – for myself and for my marriage.

When we allow ourselves to adapt, change – yes, be shaped and modeled, and have our hearts transformed – even in the most difficult of circumstances, we come closer to the mark.

Flexible and Willing

That’s where I want to be; in a mindset of adapting and changing. I may not always hit the target, but I will try to be flexible and willing to be molded and modeled.

How about you? How’s your rough draft, your work-in-progress? Are you open to a softened heart to be modeled and changed?

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.

Ezekiel 36:26 NLT

Life is a moving target, One that requires adaptation.

by Diana Journy

Marriage

Merry Marriage: Surviving the Holidays

Tis the Season to be…well.. not always merry, with all the holiday hustle, bustle, and just plain ole stress.

Here are a few tips we’ve come up with for surviving (and even thriving!) during the holidays.

Focus on the small positive moments. They’re there! Take a step back, take a deep breath – then look around and appreciate all those little things happening; even amid the craziness that can be Christmas, soak it all in. Cherish every minute.
Each day, try to take one small extra step – text, note, love note on the mirror, to remind each other of how blessed you are. Show gratitude for one another.
Give the best gift of all to one another – the priceless gift of time.
Discuss the reason for the season with your spouse.
Pray together. Often.
Make a list of gifts you want to purchase.
Budget, then talk it through. Make sure to come to an agreement on money to be spent.
Accept that you cannot control everything and everyone. Remind yourselves of this frequently!
Limit your busyness – remember B.U.S.Y. – is Being Under Satan’s Yoke. Slow down and enjoy this beautiful time of year.
Prioritize, Prioritize, Prioritize!
Surround yourself with like-minded friends and family who will support and encourage you.
Try to remember that your actions and words can hurt your spouse. Don’t let the moment’s stress cause pain for those around you.

Our prayer this holiday season is that you slow down and enjoy each precious moment. May you show extra love to those around you – and always remember the REAL reason for this season!

Merry Christmas and Merry Marriage!

by Diana Journy

Life, Marriage

The Grass Is Greener

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, isn’t it?

God has a way of showing me different things. I just need to be open enough to catch it.

Recently on our way to church, I saw a cow poking its head through the barbed wire fence, stretching to eat the greener grass on the other side of the fence.

That cow was determined that the grass just over the barbed wire fence was much better than the grass on his side of the fence. He was so convinced that he was willing to take a risk to get to that greener grass. He was willing to even face bodily harm and discomfort to get to the greener grass.

The Other Side of the Fence

The question floated through my mind; isn’t that what we do? We see something just on the other side of the fence and we assume that it is better than what we have. It could be a job, a house, a car, a spouse… well I think you get the picture.

Looking at my own life, I can see where this scenario has played out. The most impactful time was when my husband had an affair. It was a time that the temptation on the other side of the fence was overwhelmingly desirable to him. We had been married for 30 years when someone new stood on the other side of the fence, offering something new and different. Greener grass.

It’s amazing how the mind can look at situations with a colored lens – and distort the view. What was once clear becomes hazed and unclear. I heard my husband saying things like: “I’m not sure we have anything in common anymore. You’re retired and I’m not. I just don’t miss you anymore when I’m gone”. All this left me wondering how – just four months before – he could write, “Thank you for the last 30 years and I so look forward to the next 30 years.” What in the world happened? What changed?

Taking Care of OUR Grass

After becoming informed of the affair, it became clearer to me what had happened. While grazing on the grass on the other side of the fence, my husband had bought into the lie that the grass is greener. The truth of the matter is if we want greener, lusher, more fulfilling grass, we need to take care of our grass. It needs to be watered, fertilized, cut, and trimmed.

What does that mean in a marriage? It means we need to regularly take steps to continue to grow our marriage. Attend marriage seminars, read books, communicate – and learn better communication tools. Pray as a couple, and stay connected to God. We need to make sure our marriage is always healthy. Read the Bible. The Bible is our guide; use it!

God’s Words

Here are just a few scriptures to help build a strong marriage:

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Genesis 1:27-28

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9

“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 9:9

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

“Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”1 Corinthians 10:13

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4

It’s no different than our bodies. We eat well, exercise and see a doctor when needed. We need to think of our marriages the same

by Diana Journy

Devotionals, Marriage

Let it Go. . .

Diana and I have had the pleasure of leading marriage group studies at our church. One study we did with a group was a book, Bringing Out the Best in Your Spouse. One of the common themes in this book is that ladies are cheerleaders for their husbands and the guys are encouragers for their wives. To bring out the best in your spouse it is as simple as that. In fact, the same applies to our kids, be the cheerleader and be the encourager for them.

I read the following scripture today.

Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Sir, how often should I forgive a brother who sins against me? Seven times?” “No!” Jesus replied, “seventy times seven!”

Now reread the scripture above, but this time replace the word “brother”, with the word “spouse”! How often should we forgive our spouse for the times they leave the car on empty? Seven times? No, seventy times seven. How often should we forgive our spouse for leaving dirty dishes in the sink, or dirty laundry in the middle of the room, or …. Not seven times, but seventy times seven. How do we forgive. We learn to Let it Go!

Father, we give You thanks for putting into our lives those that we love, even though they are not perfect. We ask to be continually reminded that You forgave us and teach us to forgive others. We pray for patience today and the wisdom to just let it go. Amen.

Have a Letting Go Day.

Tim and Diana

Victory is Ours Already!

www.thejourneythrough.com

by Tim Journy

Where There Is A Will There Is A Way

Positive Mental Attitudes and Thoughts, Actions, and Emotions

Let’s Go Deeper

“Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.” – Zig Ziglar

Rough Draft

Being Modeled and Groomed

Rough Draft of Marriage

Flexible and Willing

Merry Marriage: Surviving the Holidays

The Grass Is Greener

The Other Side of the Fence

Taking Care of OUR Grass

God’s Words

Let it Go. . .

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