When You Just Need Someone to Sit with You

Have you ever been in a season where the silence was louder than any argument?

When Silence Leaves a Void

For much of this past year, I’ve walked through one of those seasons. There was distance between me and someone I love. Not a big blowup, just a slow, painful quiet. And in that quiet, there was a void.

If I’m honest, the void stirred up old hurts. Over the years, I’ve had friends step away from our friendship without ever telling me why. Maybe you know that feeling too. You replay conversations. You wonder what you did. You start questioning yourself: Am I too much? Not enough? What’s wrong with me?

The truth is, it hurts.

There were days I was sad. There were days I cried. And on those days, my husband Tim did what so many loving spouses do. He wanted to fix it. He offered ideas, plans, ways to make it better. His heart was in the right place. He loves me and hated seeing me hurt.

Sometimes We Need Presence, Not Solutions

But here’s what I discovered: I didn’t need a solution. I needed him to be with me. To listen. To sit in the hurt alongside me and feel what I was feeling.

Jesus Showed Us That Feeling Comes First

I’ve been thinking about the story of Lazarus in John 11. When Jesus arrived in Bethany, Lazarus had already died. Mary and Martha were grieving. Jesus knew exactly what He was about to do. He knew that in a few moments, Lazarus would walk out of that tomb alive.

He had the ultimate fix.

And yet, before He did anything, Jesus wept. (John 11:35)

He didn’t rush past their pain to get to the miracle. He stepped into their sorrow first. He felt it with them. The fixing came, but the feeling came first.

What a picture of love.

Recently, I experienced a little bit of healing in my own situation. We never sat down and talked through the problem. Instead, we simply gathered. We hugged. We laughed. We were present with one another. And somehow, that presence began to fill the void that words hadn’t.

Sometimes healing doesn’t come through the perfect conversation. Sometimes it comes through showing up.

When Someone Is Hurting, Listen Before You Fix

So here’s my question for you this month:

When someone you love is hurting, do you rush to fix it, or are you willing to feel it with them first?

And on the flip side, when you’re hurting, do the people around you know what you need?

Most of the time, we don’t ask. We assume. Fixers fix. Feelers wait to be understood. And both people walk away frustrated, wondering why love didn’t land the way it was meant to.

What if there was one simple question that could change that?

Next month, I’ll be sending you a communication tool built around that very question: “Do you want me to feel this, or fix it?” It’s simple, but it has the power to turn frustrating conversations into connecting ones in your marriage, your family, and your friendships. Watch your inbox!

Until then, may you be someone who sits with others in their pain, and may you have someone who sits with you in yours.

With love and hope,
Diana